Disney's animation department has been through some severe cutbacks.

WRECK-IT RALPH

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

INT. PAC-MAN

JOHN C. REILLY is in a SUPPORT GROUP for VIDEO GAME VILLAINS.

CGI JOHN C. REILLY

I’m Wreck-It John, a big dumpy man-ape with a face like a frying pan, so full marks for casting I guess. I’m the bad guy from a video game called Fix-It Jack Jr., which has been a popular game in its arcade for the past thirty years, just like, uh... what’s that game? That actual game from real life that has had the same cabinet in constant use for three straight decades? Oh yeah! NOTHING. That’s the one.

M. BISON

Say John, we’ve been inviting you to this third-rate CollegeHumor sketch for a long time. Why come now?

CGI JOHN C. REILLY

I’m feeling real down about my game’s thirtieth anniversary. The other characters in my game have always shunned me because I’m the bad guy. While they all live together in a cosy little high-rise, I have to sleep outside, at the dump.

(pause)

So if any of you know of a better way I could spend my nights than lying on a pile of pointy garbage, now might be the time to bring it up. Like, say, if one of you owned eight entire castles, maybe you could spare a room for a fellow bad guy. Bowser, I’m looking at you.

BOWSER

Well would you look at the time, we should probably get going.

They all leave PAC-MAN and enter THE HALL OF A MILLION REFERENCES.

CGI JOHN C. REILLY

Wow, look at all these cameos! There’s Tapper! And look, there’s Q*Bert! All the stars are here!

12-YEAR-OLD TARGET AUDIENCE

Whatter? Who*Bert? Who are all these characters? I thought this movie was about video games.

(pause)

And what the hell is an “arcade”?

JOHN heads back into his own game, where he finds that wimpy non-violent video game hero JACK McBRAYER is throwing a big THIRTIETH-ANNIVERSARY PARTY without INVITING HIM.

CGI JOHN C. REILLY

Dammit, excluded again! Why oh why do I have to be stuck in one of the extremely few games where the good guys actually outnumber the bad guys? I bet in Galaga every night is a huge drunken space-bug rave orgy. Nuts to this, I’m getting some cake!

JOHN goes to the PARTY, where he is about as welcome as a barrel of FLAMING SEWAGE.

CGI RAYMOND S. PERSI

Screw you, John! We hate you forever because you keep causing superficial, easily-repaired damage to our masonry!

CGI JACK MCBRAYER

Funny how you seem more upset about that than the fact that he ends every single game by MURDERING ME.

CGI JOHN C. REILLY

You guys are mean! I resent how every game you give Jack a medal but throw me off the roof of the building into the mud! Even though you have just as little choice about your in-game actions as I do, so getting all butthurt about it is pretty hypocritical of me.

CGI RAYMOND S. PERSI

What do you expect, we’re gonna give YOU a medal? Pfha, if YOU ever got a medal I’d let you live in the goddamn PENTHOUSE! BA HA HA!

CGI JOHN C. REILLY

FINE THEN, SINCE I CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SARCASM IS I WILL NOW MAKE OBTAINING A MEDAL MY PRIMARY GOAL FOR THE MOVIE!

(storms out)

JOHN goes and starts looking for some way to get a MEDAL. Within minutes he runs into a SPACE MARINE.

SPACE MARINE

After a medal, huh? Well you win a medal at the end of my game, Hero’s Duty.

(pause)

And by “you” I mean the player character, obviously. Just going in there as a random NPC grunt would do you no good at-

JOHN swipes his ARMOR and goes and sneaks into HERO’S DUTY.

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

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