Alex missed the appearance of the franchise's only black person.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4

The Patron-Exclusive Abridged Script

FADE IN:

EXT. VARIOUS SUBURBAN HOMES

Previously...on "PARANORMAL ACTIVITY"!

SLAMMING DOORS

Boo!

FLICKERING LIGHTS

Boo!

BANGING NOISES

Boo!

IDIOT HOMEOWNERS

Should we leave the house?

And now...the EXCITING CONCLUSION!

INT. YET ANOTHER WELL-TO-DO SUBURBAN HOME

We meet teenager KATHRYN NEWTON, her younger brother AIDEN LOVEKAMP, and their parents ALEXONDRA LEE and STEPHEN DUNHAM.

STEPHEN DUNHAM

Okay everyone. Let's all film ourselves doing the most pedestrian and mundane things imaginable to show how normal we are. No, I don't care if it's boring, it's "Paranormal Activity" tradition!

MATT SHIVELY

Hi, I'm Kathryn's loud and obnoxious boyfriend! Just think of me as a likeable Micah Sloat, if the paradox doesn't make your brain dribble out your ears.

KATHRYN NEWTON

I love you Matt! You're an oasis of personality in this desert of bland- Are you filming our private conversations? Why are you doing that?

MATT SHIVELY

Look, if we're going to point out everytime we film something for no reason, we're going to be here all day. Let's just move on.

They go out into the backyard and find BRADY ALLEN, our first JUMP SCARE!

MATT SHIVELY

Gaaaah! Why is there a creepy little boy in your home in the middle of the night?

KATHRYN NEWTON

Oh, that's just Brady. He's always breaking into other people's property.

MATT SHIVELY

...really? Why has no one called Social Services on his parents?

KATHRYN NEWTON

Well, it's not their fault. His mom, Katie Featherston, is really busy and...

MATT SHIVELY

His "mom" is Katie Featherston? The woman wanted for three murders and baby kidnapping? Why isn't she keeping a lower profile than "Let my stolen child break in everywhere"?

KATHRYN NEWTON

Hey, she's left behind video evidence of herself murdering suburbanites not once, but TWICE. She's not the Queen of Laying Low.

They take BRADY back to his home without calling the police.

Ah ah ah, you didn't say the magic word

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